Aftermath of a Stroke

The only thing you know for sure is that not one day will be like another. You wake up thinking and feeling everything will be ok, and you actually feel well at that moment, but the slightest change around you can change your entire outlook for the entire day. This doesn’t mean you stop on your tracks; it just means you lose enthusiasm/stamina, and the world looks and feels dimmer. People can’t understand why you ask for help to do the smallest thing, or why you ask them to take care of their own needs. When you are doing everything you can the best you can, and still things don’t have the result you expect, your mind goes totally out of whack. And who do you really talk to when everybody is stuck to a keyboard? You pick up another keyboard! If that fails, you write a note on the back of your future recyclables and stick it under some door, or place it on a bed; it seems less intrusive that way.

You try to explain that you can no longer stay up past a certain hour, and that you can’t tolerate noises or bright lights, but the responses you get are frowns or unpleasant gestures. You go to your bedroom and lock the door, and try to drown all outside stimuli with your choice of music or other activity. Because you can’t manage to go to sleep, you make a To Do List for the next day just to get things out off your mind, and you hope it works. People around you seem to be oblivious of your unique needs, and you feel you’re being selfish for expecting them to understand you, and you cater to them to keep the peace, but there’s no inner peace anyway. You leave the room, the house, to get fresh air and look at green because that brings you peace as do colors of flowers and birds.

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